This one time at drunk camp…

When I was younger I did many, many dumb things. Things like passing out drunk in my car outside my friends house while trying to go on a beer run despite a keg on the porch that was half full and waiting just for me. When I awoke, I called my friend frantically and told her I was lost. I had no idea where I was or how long I had been gone. She asked me what street I was on. I looked around, found a street sign, Thunderbird I think it was, and told her. After what I can only imagine as a monumentous eye roll, she says to me, “your right outside”. Apparently I had never left. I don’t even want to imagine if I did. Nowadays I look back on those times and laugh. Hard to believe I did half that shit. Hard to believe i survived. Hard to believe i didn’t kill or hurt anyone. Shit like…well that’s a story for another time…or another post as it may be.

Obnoxious Bulldog Lady

Listen up lady talking to the neighbor outside my window about your bulldog, I don’t think she wants to hear that many details about your goddamn dog. So please please shut the fuck up! It’s been 10 minutes so far. Your dog’s life story can’t be that long. You see how the lady has her hand firmly clenched on the door knob? Yeah that means she wants you to shut up too. She wants to get away but she doesn’t want to hurt your feelings. Unlike you, who rapes the ears of every one who even casually glances at her precious bulldog with stories that would torture even the most hardened person. So please, once more, PLEASE SHUT UP.

Escape From the Planet of the Inept

Sometimes I think that everyone but me in the world is a gullible uninformed bag of stupid. Then sometimes I start to wonder if maybe, just maybe I’m the idiot? Maybe I’m the stupid one since I don’t think like most people. Maybe because all those people think alike, they are the ones who are smart because majority rules right? Right?

But then I wake up from that nightmare and I realize the truth.

See, most people are pack animals. And just like in social experiments, they follow what ever a lead animal (or alpha idiot) does or they follow the group consensus. They don’t want to be shunned for stepping out and being different. That’s most people. They see a homeless man unconscious on a busy sidewalk and if one person walks past, then it creates a social precedent for them that cues others to do the same. Like I said, that’s most people.

Luckily, I don’t consider myself most people so by default, I am not a pack animal and further more, not an idiot who follows the behavior and ideas of others just so I can be part of a pack.

What brought all this up? Thinking about work and how every company has a bevy of mentally challenged individuals that work for them. Individuals that do little more than fill a once empty office and consume oxygen that could be put to better use by a cockroach. Managers who have no idea what they are managing. Yet somehow, they are the boss’s of more capable people who actually end up managing the managers but without the title or monetary benefits that come with these managerial positions. Sorry for running on but I was on a role.

But regardless of the seemingly endless benefits that come with being one of the many, I’m glad I don’t run with the pack because packs are awful and stupid, (i.e. religion, riots, New Jersey and NASCAR).

Throughout our human history there have been a select few who have stepped away from the expected and done their own thing. People like Albert Einstein, Karl Sagan, Richard Dawkins and Adolph Hitler, although that last one didn’t turn out so well so forget I mentioned him. So what’s my point? I’m just tired of the inept, illogical and for a lack of a better word, retarded people of the world and wish I didn’t have to deal with them as they pave the roads to our future.

So to finish this rambling thought, I’m glad I’m not a pack animal. I have never been one and hope I’m smart enough to never be one. Yet, I’m blogging and on twitter…so…yeah, there’s that.