I’m a Quitter!
Posted by Turd Ferguson
Twitter Quitter, Thats me!
Recently I made the liberating decision to deactivate my Twitter account, freeing my self from the shackles of social networking oppression. It was a move that was a long time coming. Why you ask? Ok nobodies asking but I’m going to tell you.
First off, I’ve never been good at social networking. In fact I’m quite awful at it. That’s assuming one CAN be awful at it and at the risk of being an ass, let’s assume one can. See, I failed at friendster, I failed at Myspace and I’m continuing to fail on Facebook. Ok ok, I was never on Friendster and Myspace is the one who failed me but for dramatic effect, just go with it.
Ok so where was I? Oh yeah, right…I’m a loser. I don’t quite know what it is that makes me such a failure when it comes to social networking but I am. Maybe it’s my disinterest in adding everybody and their neighbors just to have a friends list the size of a small nation? Maybe I’m not really capable of telling you how cute and adorable those obnoxious pictures of your kids are? Perhaps it’s my distaste for bacon? I don’t know! Either way, I suck at it.
But moving on…
I’ve always been a horrible socializer, mostly because I can’t bring my self to tell you about random boring crap like, what I had for lunch and how fantastic it was, or how much I love coffee (I fucking hate coffee). Also I have a hard time holding back the truthfulness that resides in me. Social networking seems to be this sunshine up your ass sorta thing where everything is awesome, cute, fantastic and amazing, and let’s face it, unless your a member of the Polyphonic Spree, that’s all bullshit. And considering what bullshit the polyphonic spree is, social networking (specifically Twitter) is bullshit in epic proportions.
Secondly, the shit’s entirely to much work. Trying to hold Twitters attention is a daunting task to say the least. After a while you start tweeting about crap you swore you never would in the hopes that someone will star you, retweet you or just give you a friendly “haha nice one.” But after time, nobody does and let me tell you, it makes you feel dirty whoring yourself out like that. Like being ogled by a flea infested hobo, dirty.
Thirdly, It’s called social networking because your suppose to be social. But when people don’t communicate with you, you’re pretty much talking to yourself. I don’t need to log onto Twitter to talk to my self and I can be ignored at home. I have an abundance of that here.
Lastly, I Don’t think people understand my sense of humor (see above example). I’m sarcastic, cynical and overly dramatic because that’s funny. That’s my style of comedy. To most, I come off as an asshole which is probably why I had a short-lived moderate amount of success on Twitter. But Twitter got tired of me and that hurt my little feelings so in the end I quite. Nobody likes a quitter so yeah, quitting was the perfect thing to do because boo hoo me.
Anyhow…If anyone’s even reading this garbage, I probably lost you after the first sentence or two so let me just end this by saying your moms a dirty whore and I kicked your dog and/or cat and/or baby and they liked it. I mean liked it like Katy perry liked kissing a girl liked it. Because that’s funny!
About Turd FergusonSocial antagonist, self professed internet comedian and onetime Graphic Designer Extraordinaire.
Posted on June 16, 2011, in humor, Society and tagged cynical, Facebook, fail, friendster, funny, humor, Myspace, networking, obnoxious, quitter, sarcasm, social, suck, tweet, Twitter. Bookmark the permalink. 1 Comment.